Originally published at supple.co.uk. You can comment here or there.

I think the standard motorcycle test should include the following guidelines:

- Rev’ing your stationary bike to over 8000rpm in a car-park does not make people think you are cool

- If you do want to wear full one-piece race leathers for riding to a pub in, then having nice, shiny knee-sliders that have never seen any action whatsoever will highlight you as a poser rather than a seasoned racer.

- If you are very slight of stature (height and build) then try not to buy an extra large motorcycle helmet, as you will look like the Mekon

- If you do not heed the above guidelines, then please keep your voice low when talking utter bollocks about how to ride performance bikes, rather than drawing attention to yourself by speaking so loud that everyone can hear you, when it’s clear you’ve gone out and brought a Sports bike that you can only ride fast in straight lines and spent more money of accessories rather than training on how to ride it to it’s full potential.